Affective Imaginary

what exists.

3 july 2018
I speak without stopping until he cannot stand it.
I be without stopping until he is no longer me.

2 july 2018
My breasts, upturned, wait.

21 june 2018
Why would you say that?
What conditions were created (by us) that made you say that?

13 june 2018
Facing my sweaty collarbone, with your hands waiting for mine, you kept talking about how the heat makes you impatient.

12 june 2018
What is it about the first "I love you" that stays, repeats and multiplies like a trauma after the person is gone?

8 june 2018
"So is it the same me from Monday?"
"Yes! Am I the same me from Monday?"
"Yes! More even."

6 june 2018
"There are already many me's inside of you", he says in place of hello.

30 april 2018
How can I be a writer when all my best words are sent to men?

21 sept 2016
In the kitchen, holding my tea, I kept puking up a burnt sienna colored froth. I called my local Info-Santé and the nurse, worried, told me it's because I swallowed feelings my body can't process.

Symbiosis (from Greek ????????? "living together", from ??? "together" and ?????? "living") is a close and often long-term interaction between two different biological species.
25 july 2015
Violence as life constant. Robust realist, that's what he calls me.

24 july 2015
I'm not talented enough in anything to act as abominable as I do.

12 july 2015
What happens to misandry if you have a body of a man growing inside you?

6 july 2015
When speaking French I always revert to one tense so my past and the future is always in the present.

5 july 2015
"You're not truly liberated if you walk around with feelings of guilt."
"Freedom is not being afraid."

22 june 2015
I keep rehearsing what I will write here before I go to bed, thinking I will remember, not realizing every day brings its own sets of things to write about, and accruing events in your head is like trying to catch up on sleep.

21 june 2015
There went time, on tv shows, on pulp fiction, on laying in bed, on doing so little of anything I couldn't not be tired.

16 june 2015
I thought this time was supposed to be filled with the extraordinary, instead I'm tired.

15 june 2015
My belly swells with time. Accumulating time-space using my blood.

13 june 2015
Reason I have stopped writing: I wish it was better than this.

12 june 2015
Reason I have stopped writing: I fill furniture brochures with excuses.

11 june 2015
Reason I have stopped writing: I lost my desk.
It was a best friend bet. She challenged me on whether I could sit up straight and write a novel, or maybe it was my dissertation, instead of using the bed as a mode of transmission. I failed. In the bet my desk was up for sale. The same desk I had two lovers carry across busy intersections for me when I found it on the side of the road in a city I no longer know.

10 june 2015
The pressed colours
Under eyes
Buried in love.

9 may 2015
Writing many things like truths in the last three weeks; writing down all the pieces. I was told to. "You don't want to forget anything because you will anyway." I can always go back, edit, re-move. I need to write many many words. These years here make less sense now, now that time isn't my own.

17 april 2015
The sex was so good it turned me honest.

16 april 2015
What if my child isn't a feminist?

28 march 2015
"You have fuzzy socks," his foot reaches the top of mine.
"It's still winter! Of course I'm wearing fuzzy socks."

7 march 2015
My website won't load for days. I have tried everything but you. You enter my databases with all the mysql user accounts to be sure of the fatal memory errors. All of my passwords in your hands.
"You are so deep inside me."
"I am letting you free."
"Internet Magda, me."

4 march 2015
"We need to find a way to plan our future together in ways that will bring us together in other ways. I have faith in our ways —Thinking about kids can't just happen in a vacuum. We need to fill the space where that potential can manifest before it has a profile robust enough to express the complexity and gravity of that future."
I groan, "none of that matters to my body."

3 march 2015
"And of course you don't trust me, You've said that before." I tell him.
"In so many words?"
"I doubt I'd make a blanket statement like that. The question is what do I trust you with. Not some absolute trust."
"Okay, well, I felt you were accusing me of some kind of general cynicism toward you."